Sometimes I underestimate myself. When the doctor diagnosed that I have another cancer in me, I thought I just couldn’t handle it anymore. It was too much for me. The last operation was bad enough. My wound collapsed and I had to undergo three-time-a-day dressing, the after effect of chemotherapy, the operation, the skin staplers!
Then finally I’ve decided to allow myself to cry. I cried a few times and when I was done I said to myself: I might die during the surgery, I might die because of the infection, I might die within a few months after chemo, I might die next year after they find another cancer in me, or I might die five years after one surgery after another. The truth is I will never know. Nobody knows except for Allah.
But one thing I know best, now I am still alive and I had better spend the time that I have left to the fullest. Nobody or nothing can take that away from me.
I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer only six months after they told me I have ovarian cancer.
Setiap musibah ada hikmahnya. Ya Allah… I have seen it. Subhanallah.. the ‘hikmah’ from these musibah was so great and so wonderful that it was so bloody indescribable. And the hikmah is , I feel loved! Not ordinary love but UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
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1 comment:
Salam.
Abi glad to hear something from ur blog. i pun dah lama tak masuk.
Alhamdulillah I sampai M'sia pd 29 August and I dah doakan dan belikan seperti amanat u. Bila nak bagi u? Ramai betul umat Islam di sana dan setiap waktu 24 jam ade saje org menghadap dan mengelilingi Baitullah. Terasa kebesaranNya and I really relieved hajat I ke sana kesampaian juga akhirnya. I hope you could go there bila u dah sihat and kuat sikit selagi ade rezeki dan umur panjang. U could feel something difference and u are willingly to do whatever you are lazily to do before. Go for holiday as well for the two of you to alleviate your worries.
Abi surely you can be strong as what you are. Setiap manusia pasti melalui musibah dan merasai hikmahnya, cuma cepat atau lambat diatas ketentuanNya. Ade orang yg lebih bernasib malang dari kita. I always remember that when I feel inferior.
So you have free time now, then start busying yourself blogging ker... Sometimes rasa nak cuti panjang malas nak kerja tapi tak koje tak de duit, bila dah cuti panjang sangat rasa nak kerja cepat. Mcm2 kerenah kita ni ek...
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