Jangan Mengeluh

From an email I received from Shahid~
Kita selalu bertanya, dan Al-Quran sudah menjawabnya.

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU DIUJI?
QURAN MENJAWAB "Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan; "Kami telah beriman," ("I am full of faith to Allah") sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui org2 yg benar dan, sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta." -Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU TAK DAPAT APA YG AKU IDAM-IDAMKAN?
QURAN MENJAWAB "Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." - Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA UJIAN SEBERAT INI?
QURAN MENJAWAB "Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya. " - Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA RASA FRUST?
QURAN MENJAWAB "Jgnlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan jgnlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah org2 yg paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu org2 yg beriman." - Surah Al-Imran ayat 139

KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?
QURAN MENJAWAB "Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu (menghadapi segala kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara yang berkebajikan) , dan kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih daripada kesabaran musuh, di medan perjuangan), dan bersedialah (dengan kekuatan pertahanan di daerah-daerah sempadan) serta bertaqwalah (be fearfull of Allah The Almighty) kamu kepada Allah supaya, kamu berjaya (mencapai kemenangan). "

KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?
QURAN MENJAWAB "Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk" - Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45

KITA BERTANYA : APA YANG AKU DAPAT DRPD SEMUA INI?
QURAN MENJAWAB "Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dari org2 mu'min, diri, harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga utk mereka... ? - Surah At-Taubah ayat 111

KITA BERTANYA : KEPADA SIAPA AKU BERHARAP?
QURAN MENJAWAB "Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain dari Nya. Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal. " - Surah At-Taubah ayat 129

KITA BERKATA : AKU TAK DAPAT TAHAN!!!
QURAN MENJAWAB "... ..dan jgnlah kamu berputus asa dr rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dr rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yg kafir." - Surah Yusuf ayat 12

Maira

Maira. The latest edition to the family. She was born at 3.38 pm on the 30th April 2007. Chacha's younger sister who looks exactly like her.
Dear, dear Maira, Pak Long and Mak Long promise to spoil you rotten. We promise you these-
We will spend times at the shopping complexes buying you and your sister dresses, toys and books at ridiculous prices.
We will let you eat ice creams, donuts and chocolates whenever you want (even with running nose and coughs).
We will take you to KLCC and let you spend all our shillings on the stupid rides even that is the only thing we will do in KLCC.
We .. ehem.. Pak Long, I mean, will dukung you whenever you ask him to do so.
We will let you touch, play with, or push every button on our stereo or whatever things you fancy in our car.
We do not mind singing your nursery rhymes in public places.
We will let you jump on our new sofa, our bed, our table whenever you feel like it.
We will let you make our house looks like tongkang pecah.
We will let you skip your nap time.
We do not mind spending two hours in front of the PC to watch Barney and friends.
We wont mind if you want to watch your nursery rhymes CDs over and over again. And lastly, we promise to return you, groggy, moody, melekit, masam, tired, berhingus dengan pampers yang penuh to your parents at the end of the day…. hehehe!!!

Happy Birthday Noorzanah Zainal! :-)

Rasa terpanggil untuk letak gambar ni. We were 22. We were celebrating Ada, Peah & Zana's birthdays at my hall of residence, Cornbrook House. All of us gained 2 kilos (each.. hehehe!) during that month, eventhough it was Ramadhan! There were other photos.. but I can only put this one.. yang lain tu.. ehem!.. sexy sangat! Remember.. what we did.. makan, main gin rummy, makan, main gin rummy, tengok wayang, shopping, makan, main gin rummy, tido, tido, tido, gelak, gelak, gelak, dressed up, gelak, makan..makan.. hahaha!

Zana, Ada & Peah.. my dearest-dearest friends.. not anybody are as lucky as we are. We have each other since we were 18! And I am sure we will remain friends forever. We will grow old together. I can even imagine attending your children's wedding, listening to you bragging about your grandchildren. We will forever remain young when we are together. (not because, we, except for Peah, marry younger men! hahaha!!)

Side Effects of Chemotheraphy

The chemotherapy drug that was given to me is carboplatin. A typical treatment for ovarian cancer. Carboplatin stops the growth of cancer cells, causing the cells to die. Carboplatin can temporarily lower the number of white blood cells in the blood, increasing the chance of getting an infection.

I underestimated the side effects of the drug because I went through the second and third chemo painless!

But this time....*sigh*! These side effects began right after the treatment and lasted for 3 days. Prof BK Lim, my oncologist, did prescribe an anti-sickness drug to prevent nausea and vomiting. However, I suffered loss of appetite and change of taste. I was tired all the time, I was weak. Walking from the living room to the bathroom pun tercungap-cungap (note : my apartment is small). I slept for hours.
I also notice numbness and tingling in my hands. I read somewhere this is known as peripheral neuropathy and is due to the effect of carboplatin on nerves. It is very rare if you receive usual doses of the drug, but it may happen if you have very high-dose treatment. I think I suffered hair lost. But I am not worried as I believe my hair will start to regrow once the treatment ends.

I took lots and lots of fruits and vegetables to avoid constipation and it worked. I tried the prescribed lactulose solution after my first chemo, but I ended up suffering from diarrhea... hahaha!
Luckily there's only Shahid at home, my mood has been unbearable. I know chemo can suppress estrogen production that can cause mood swings but I have the feeling that the mood swings may be related to having to endure chemotherapy treatment. It made me feel tired, irritable, queasy, and frustrated. Bersyukur, dikurniakan suami yang sabar seperti dia!

Another Favourite Love Poem

I remembered reading Sonnet 18 on a Manchester's bus stop billboard. It was summer. I was lonely. I miss home. My boyfriend dikebas orang.. hahaha! *wink* *wink* For the first time Shakespeare made sense! Here.. I present~~

William Shakespeare

1564-1616

Sonnet 18

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

And summer's lease hath all too short a date.

Sometimes too hot the eye of heaven shines,

And often is his gold complexion dimmed,

And every fair from fair sometime declines,

By chance, or nature's changing course,

untrimmed;

By thy eternal summer shall not fade,

Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,

Nor shall Death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,

So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

*sigh*

Chemo 4th Cycle

Today I went to my 4th round of chemotheraphy. For the first time, without Shahid. Muzaffar sent me and later Zana, Nadeem & Nabeel picked me up from the hospital and sent me home.

My CA125 test after my 2nd chemo was 41, after my 3rd chemo it was 15! Normal values range from 0 to 35. CA-125 stands for Cancer Antigen 125. The CA-125 test looks for the presence of a protein on the surface of cells from the ovary. Elevated levels of this protein have been associated with other types of cancer, but it is considered a biomarker for ovarian cancer.

Zana, Nadeem (the kobishead), Nabeel & I celebrated by having nasi kukus ayam berempah. Yeay!!!!
I had a chemo port installed for my chemo. My oncologist recommended that I have a port or "port-a-cath" inserted in my upper chest wall (the space between your collarbone and your breast) to make chemotherapy easier and more comfortable for me. The port is about the size of a 20 cent shilling, only thicker, and what you can see is only a bump underneath the skin. There are several benefits to having a port:
(a) No need to find a vein every time you receive chemo. A special needle fits right into the port, so all you feel is the stick—not the poking, prodding, and false tries in your arm.
(b) A port may be especially valuable for those, like me, who might be experiencing some swelling of the arm on the side of their surgery.

(c) The medication goes right into the main blood supply entering the heart, so it can be sent quickly and efficiently to all parts of the body.
(d) Some types of chemotherapy can be very uncomfortable if injected into a vein just under your skin. The port avoids this potential discomfort.

(e) Getting blood for blood tests can usually be done through the port, decreasing the number of times you need to have a vein "stuck."

Me, during chemo

I did not move about during chemo. The only reason was : I was so bloody "seghiau". So takut the thing like tercabut!! Since I was alone throughout the 2 hours theraphy, I was so bloody bored. Selalunya my phone rings non stop, tapi hari ni sunyi sepi. *sigh* I brought a book, but reading "hurts my mind" hahaha! Next time better bring Ikea Catalogue! Sure like 2 hours fly by!

Favourite Love Poem

I do not celebrate Valentine's Day. But we do celebrate 4th April. To my beloved husband. (and to those who think I jiwang, baca jer lah eh! memang pun, so what! Faizal, salin!)

To My Valentine
by Ogden Nash

More than a catbird hates a cat
Or a criminal hates a clue
Or the Axis hates the United States
That’s how much I love you

I love you more than the duck can swim
And more than a grapefruit squirts
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore
And more than a toothache hurts

As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea
Or a juggler hates a shove
As a hostess detests unexpected guests
That’s how much you I love

I love you more than a wasp can sting
And more than the subway jerks
I love you as much as the beggar needs a crutch
And more than a hangnail irks

I swear to you by the stars above
And below, if such there be
As the High Court loathes perjurious oaths
That’s how you are loved by me